Only a Few Shopping Days Left Until Christmas

If you're anything like the staff at the Weekly Wiper, there are a few last minute items needed for the "least deserving" on your Christmas gift list.  Here are a few suggested stocking stuffers available now.

ITEM 1: "U CALLED ME A WHAT? " Glass set.   Nothing starts the day off better than these stylishly suggestive juice glasses.  You'll always want to be the first one up to set the table and get your long day going, at each other.

Classy enough for a quiet (silent) dinner too, just in case the morning started out okay only to deteriorate during the day.

Item 2:  1st in a series that can be combined - GROPE ON A ROPE - Lend yourself a "hand" in the bath or shower, for those hard to reach areas.  Combine it with this next item;

Item 3:  KARAOKE SOAP MICROPHONE-  And now the entire neighborhood will know when you're all wet, and combine with Him, Item 4: HIM ON A ROPE to just wave your soapy hands in the air singing gospel and wait for Easter,

with  item 5, SOAP ROPE BUNNY

   Continuing in the bathroom realm.

Item 6:   WHAT'S YOUR POO TELLING YOU? CALENDAR Filled with nifty factoids of all things POO.  Celebrate the wondrous uniqueness of poo with regularity. In this daily calendar, the authors of the best-selling book What's Your Poo Telling You? deliver a year's worth of poo trivia, interesting nuggets, dates in digestive history and illustrated dookie descriptions. Who knew you could learn so much from poo?!?! Have a crappy year! Imported. Wiper clean.
* 6"w, 2"h, 5.5"d
* Plastic, paper

According to the calendar, Evil is dead. 

Item 7:  TALKING TP ROLL -  Nothing says your marriage is in the shitter, better.   HONEY, ARE YOU LEAVING ME?  Flush once for  "YES".  Romance was a truly beautiful thing, especially in the bathroom.   This magical battery-powered fun machine records and plays back any message. 

Just press the "record" button, say what's on your mind, load up with some TP and you're ready to go.  Your message will play whenever paper is pulled. It's fun waiting to happen. Imported. Wiper clean.
* Required: 2AAA Batteries, not included
* 1" diameter, 4-6"l
* Fits standard toilet paper holder
* Plastic, electronics

Item 8:  "ALL ABOUT ME", COFFEE TABLE EDITION - You know wives, children, relatives and therapists have thrown it in you face for years, give into your narcissistic self loving life, and proudly display your version of the world for everyone to see.  It's what you should get you for Christmas.

Item 9: SLIPPER LITE STOPS HIP FRACTURES! Just when you were running out of ideas for mom or grandma'...

Contour Light-Up LED Slippers with Memory Foam will light up your way at night.  These motion activated slippers come on automatically when you walk  in the dark and the LEDS will illuminate your way, keeping you safe from obstacles that have been left on the ground.  The slippers are no maintenance, LED light is super bright and requires very little power,Replaceable battery will last 4 to 6 months.  A Photo sensor will prevent the slippers from turning on during the daytime hours.  Soft Memory foam insole and soft fleece lining provide soothing warmth and comfort in a beautiful powder blue Suede finish.

Item 10: "EXCUSE ME" from work that is.  Tired of your boss at your lame job questioning the validity of your use of sick time.  Just collect a few days of snot and sputum into your "Excuse Me" and place on his/her desk upon return and marvel how the conversation is no longer about your sick days but your termination.

Merry Shopping, WW

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