Saturday, June 26, 2010
BP TO BREED NEW SPECIES OF BROWN PELICAN
“ACTUALLY PREFERS OIL TO WATER….”
(AP) Venice LA. BP announced today that they have genetically altered the Brown Pelican into a species that thrives in a crude oil doused environment. This new breed will “actually be responsible for the oil spill clean up”. Pictured in the back ground are several of the new breed of Pelican, designated as the “OIL-a-CAN-Pelican”.
Spokesperson for the company said the “OIL-a-CAN Pelican”
was the brain child of Tony “I want my life back” Hayworth.
ww: bp…..”bong petroleum, every breath you take…”
Excellent photo essay of the gulf post spill:
http://www.nationalpost.com/multimedia/photos/gallery/index.html?id=3073920
What We Missed In A Year….
NOVEMBER 2009: Mints for your vagina
A little digging revealed that Linger is made/distributed by a company called Ad-mints, which just happens to make trade show mints.
The Linger samples just happen to have have the exact same shape, taste, and ingredients as Ad-mint’s sample mints.
If you actually do expect to use Linger to “flavor the woman in a manner that is safe and effective,” be warned: its primary ingredient is sugar, which is not safe for the vagina. It messes up the pH and can lead to a really painful yeast infection, a condition that definitely doesn’t make someone want to “linger.”
ww: but we knew that already
December 2009…Gift idea for your criminal friends
January 2010….The 110 Story "Burj Dubai Middle Finger Tower."
Visible from space, Dubai has completed construction of the World's largest structure, the 110 story "Burj Dubai Middle Finger Tower."
The dedication festivities were hosted by Dubai's Sovereign Ruler, His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, who took the opportunity to simultaneously announce he was suspending payments to the international lenders who financed it.
"We wanted to show the world a great symbol," he said. "You gave us $59 billion in loans and a payment schedule -- and we give you this!"
February 2010….Don’t Laze Me Bro!
Mosquito Shoot down Sequence: Video clips showing mosquitoes being killed by lasers.
View the video : http://intellectualventureslab.com/?paged=2
Finally something a laser is actually useful for.
March 2010: Why Lord, Do These Exist?
What do dieting and energy policy have in common? The SnackWell effect. The name comes from those tasty little cookies that are advertised as being lower in fat and sugar. And they are--which often leads dieters to eat more of them than regular cookies and then wonder why they're not losing weight.
Studies indicate that people who install more-energy-efficient lights lose 5% to 12% of the expected savings by leaving them on longer.
WW: Proving that the little “greenies” among us are just stupid, forgetful and greedy.
APRIL FOOLS FOR MANY YEARS TO COME LOUISANA GULF COAST
MAY 2010: Cookbook typo: "salt and freshly ground black people"
Penguin Group Australia accidentally published copies of the Pasta Bible containing an unfortunate spell check error. A recipe calling for "salt and freshly ground black pepper" actually read "salt and freshly ground black people."
(Just imagine the outcry had the recipe calling for “salt and freshly ground white pepper actually read “salt and freshly ground white people.”)
The company is destroying and reprinting 7,000 copies of the book, but not recalling ones that have already hit bookstores. According to the company's head of publishing, Bob Sessions, it was an honest mistake. From The Age:
"We're mortified that this has become an issue of any kind and why anyone would be offended, we don't know," he said...
"In one particular recipe [a] misprint occurs which obviously came from a spellchecker. When it comes to the proofreader, of course they should have picked it up, but proofreading a cookbook is an extremely difficult task. I find that quite forgivable."We've said to bookstores that if anyone is small-minded enough to complain about this ... silly mistake,
we will happily replace [the book] for them."
ww: not exactly the apology we were looking for bob, now about the contribution
JUNE 2010 GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER
President Obama has made four trips to the Gulf Coast since the start of the Big Oil Spill -- now it's Joe Biden's turn.
The vice president leaves Tuesday "to assess efforts to counter the BP oil spill," his office said in an announcement.
First stop is the the National Incident Command Center in New Orleans.
On the way back, Biden will also inspect cleanup efforts in the Florida panhandle.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Al Gore A "Crazed Sex Poodle?" or There’s Some Global Warming My Undies
JUNE 24--In a bizarre statement to police, the Oregon woman who claims that Al Gore fondled and groped her during a massage session described the former Vice President as a giggling "crazed sex poodle" who gave a "come hither" look before pouncing on her in a Portland hotel suite. 
In a taped January 2009 interview with cops, the 54-year-old woman, a licensed masseuse whose name has been redacted from police records, read from a lengthy prepared statement that detailed her alleged October 2006 encounter with Gore at the Hotel Lucia.
Excerpts from the Portland Police Bureau transcript of the 2009 interview can be found on the following pages. In December 2006, a lawyer for the woman told police about the purported encounter, but after the masseuse cancelled three interview appointments, the case was closed due to her refusal to "cooperate with the investigation or even report a crime."
It is unclear why, two years later, she approached Portland police and sought to memorialize her allegations against Gore, who she portrayed as a tipsy, handsy predator who forced her to drink Grand Marnier, pinned her to a bed, and 
After fleeing Gore's suite, the woman returned home to discover, a la Lewinsky, "stains on the front of my black slacks." Suspecting that the stains were 
WW: And we got it for free
In a related story….
The Japanese government has launched a campaign encouraging people to go to bed and get up extra early in order to reduce household carbon dioxide emissions. The government believes going to bed early and getting up early can avoid wasting electrical power which causes carbon dioxide emissions. If people change their lifestyle, we can save energy and reduce emissions."
WW: We say have the Japanese clocks set “reverse daylight savings time”.
The Weekly Wiper Crawls Out of Its Hole and Into Yours
Many it’s the heat or something…but more than likely it is just a story that drives and motivates to get this show rolling again…for example:
She was hot and sweaty, dirty, and
very slippery
WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah (CBS/AP) Cops say a Utah woman stole a car, led the owner on a high speed chase - he stole her car to pursue her - wrecked the car, stole the police car that responded to the accident, and totaled said cruiser before finally being tasered.
All while stark naked.
West Valley City Police Capt. Tom McLachlan said the chase started in West Jordan, Utah, a suburb of Salt lake City, when the already unclothed woman left her car, climbed into another car that was running and drove away.
He said she then wrecked his car, and ran off - still naked, remember - into some sagebrush. A police officer spotted her and called for backup. West Valley police scoured the rugged sagebrush and grasslands for their suspect, described as 5-foot-5, 120 to 130 pounds, thin and with reddish-brown hair.
"Of course, there was no clothing description available," McLachlan said.
You don't say?
Police say that when another officer arrived, the woman charged them both and slipped through their grasp.
Slipped? Please explain. "She did have blood on her body from the initial crash. She was hot and sweaty, dirty, and very slippery. She managed to escape the grasp of the two officers," McLachlan said.
Thank you, Captain!
She then took off in one of their cruisers, ramming it through a large gate, McLachlan said. That ride ended in nearby West Valley City when the woman failed to make a sharp left turn and the purloined cruiser ramped off a berm and traveled about 50 feet before crashing to the ground hard enough to bend the vehicle's frame, McLachlan said.
That's when the chasing officers finally tasered her, according to McLachlan.
"That car that she took is a total loss," he said. "I think there's a hubcap that's still usable."
McLachlan said doctors do not believe drugs or alcohol led to the woman's erratic behavior. "It appears there may be mental issues involved," McLachlan said.
WW: